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I’m Not Good. Christ Hold Fast.

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I’m a Christian and I’m not very good at good things. In fact, I’m downright miserable at them. I’m a cradle Christian. In other words, I was born into a Christian home and spoon fed the Bible from day one. I’m a preacher’s kid, a preacher’s oldest son in fact. I grew up with memory verses, Bible reading plans, morning devotions, and personal quiet times. I had good parents who loved me. I was homeschooled, didn’t watch movies with a rating over PG, and only listened to “Christian” music. I was baptized along with the rest of my youth group and was in church every time the doors were open. I don’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t believe the Bible was true, or that there was a God and Jesus was His only Son. Those are all good things, right?

And that’s my problem—I’m not good at good things.

I would procrastinate the memory verses and then in a panic commit them to short-term memory on the way to church. I would get behind in my Bible reading plan to the point where I couldn’t catch up, and sometimes I just quit altogether. I would struggle to stay awake during morning devotions. My quiet times were filled with distractions and wandering thoughts. Every Sunday I promised God I would do better the following week. Sometimes I did, but mostly I didn’t. I honestly couldn’t. I was fifteen and felt like my spirituality was a complete sham. I believed God was disappointed with me, so I kept promising to do better. Maybe I would for a little while, but eventually I found myself right back in that dreadful spot where I kept making the same promise over and over again… Until one day, I just stopped.

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